Restoration | Stephanie Paul
For me, the recovery process helped me to see the beautiful way God has pursued me in my brokenness throughout my life. I was baptized as an infant. I grew up going to church. I always knew Jesus to some extent. But it wasn’t until my divorce that I experienced the powerlessness that led to true surrender and to a deep and trusting relationship with my savior. I had a plan for my life, and when that plan fell apart, despite all my best efforts to keep it together, I saw that I was most definitely not in control, but that God was. That he had a plan, and it was for my good, and it was better than anything I could dream up for myself. I now have a desire for true obedience, though I am imperfect in living it out. I was finally in a place where I wasn’t just asking God to bless MY plan. I was asking Him to lead me in His.
As I was in recovery from my divorce, past hurts started coming to the surface as well. Hurts that had led to some unhealthy behaviors and habits, some of them I had been aware of, but some not. Sins and struggles from my past also started bubbling to the surface. Things I never properly dealt with because I thought getting married would make them a non-issue. Ultimately, I was looking to my husband to fix my issues instead of really confronting them and dealing with them. But there they were, after the divorce, staring me straight in the face. But now I am dealing with those sins, those struggles. And I’m turning to my savior for healing, instead of to the world. And Jesus is faithful in providing that healing.
I still struggle, daily, with lots of things. Control, anger, perfectionism, selfishness, the list goes on and on. Recovery isn’t pretty. It’s not a fairy tale wrapped up with a nice bow. It’s messy. Because we mess up. But God is writing a beautiful story nonetheless as he leads me in sanctification. And I’m being honest about how hard it is sometimes. And I have people walking alongside me who are being honest too. And we’re working these things together.
Isaiah 43:19 says “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
And He is….