Seven Questions You Should Ask Before You Say, "YES!"

You are signing your life away. That’s what it is – getting married.

You love this other person so much that you will pledge your faithfulness “for better or worse till death do us apart.”  It’s a big decision, if not the most important decision in your life. You may forget this when he is kneeling and the ring is shining, but you are still giving your life away. It’s a very important decision.

So, here are the 7 questions you should ask before you say, “yes.” These are based on the ancient wisdom: the Bible. You may agree or disagree. I think it’s spot on.


1. Can he leave his mommy?

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

The Bible is very well aware of the nature of in-laws. They should be close, but never be number one to your spouse’s life. They can be number two. The spot for number one needs to be filled by a man’s wife.

2. Will he watch me and touch me, me only?

Do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? (1 Corinthians 6:16)

Sex is super glue that makes two parts of a marriage stick to each other – you and your spouse. There are a lot of other reasons why he must watch you and touch you, you only.  But, just one reason is simply the nature of “glue.”  If you put it in multiple places it will lose its adhesiveness. If you put it in one place it will stay strong. Try it with 3M sticky notes.  The more exclusive it is, the stickier it is. You get the idea.

3. Who is teaching him how to do love?

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25)

Even a person who doesn’t believe Jesus is God would agree that he knew how to love people. The truth is your husband is learning form somebody how to treat you. Maybe it’s his dad, his uncle, his friend, or Homer Simpson. Yeah, that’s scary. It would be best if he learns from Jesus.

4. Forget about him dying for you. Can he yield and shut up?

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)

Your man has to learn to give himself up for you. Statistically you two won’t be Jack and Rose from Titanic. But, he will have to hold his tongue, swallow his pride, grab his fist, and do the dishes. This will make him feel like he is dying the worst way- slowly and painfully. Is he willing to do it and get better at it? It takes two: a man, and a big love.

5. Will he work like a dog, read old books, and be all-ears?  

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church….that he [Jesus] might sanctify her [christians], having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25,26-27.)

The husband’s job is to provide – for your emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual needs.He is to be a money-maker. He is to be your furniture-mover.  He is to be your family pastor (or a spiritual leader). He is to be your counselor. He is singing up to take care of you – real good care of you. That’s on a husband’s resume. Is it on his radar?

6. Will he be a general?

Because you have listened to the voice of your wife…to dust you shall return. (Genesis 3:17)

Husbands are called to be the responsible one for the whole package. The problem wasn’t just Adam ate the “apple” but he also refused to protect his wife from lies of the devil. He was not responsible for the both of them. He was called to be a general but he ran away from his post. Not cool.

How many wives are crying on her bed because their husband is running away, giving up, not taking charge, doesn’t fight against all the challenges in their family and marriage?

Is he a general or a deserter?

7. Will he work on his marriage?

Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. (Genesis 3:16)

The Bible says 10 out 10 couples will have conflict. Have you seen any couple that don’t have conflict?  Yeah, I thought so. Because human beings are not perfect, marriage will always be imperfect. This implies that both of them will have to work on it. Marriage needs maintenance. Marriage needs continual TLC. Marriage takes work. I know you will. The question is, will he?

Warning! Do not ask these questions directly to your boyfriend. He will be tempted to give the answer you want to hear. Instead, ask these questions in your head and observe.

Let his everyday actions or past pattern give you the answers.

Here is one thing you should know before you leave. You won’t find a perfect guy because there are none. But, you can avoid the worst guy ever, or, at least, have a better idea on how much it will cost you to love him.

Question: Which of the questions above do you think is the most important? And Why?

Written by David Jung

Marriage, Dating, LoveCrossPoint Team