Worship and the 80%
You know what I love about worship? Well, there’s two things.
First, if you know me at all, you know that music is a thing in my life. Like, a big thing. It’s not just something I enjoy but something I get lost in. I don’t just hear it - I feel it in my body, my soul. So, there’s that.
If you don’t know me at all, I’d love to get to know you, but that means this second thing will require a bit of explanation. I am naturally a negative self-talker, and my inner voice is LOUD. When something is wrong in my world, in my marriage, in my parenting, in my work, in my friendships, I take that “wrong” and turn it on myself. That inner voice turns conviction from the holy spirit, which is a healthy training tool, into guilt, shame, fear, and isolation. That inner voice says You are a terrible wife. You are failing at parenting. You weren’t cut out for this work. You don’t care about people.
We have spent a lot of time talking about how 80% of people in the Katy area don’t see themselves as Jesus sees them, and I get it. I can see Jesus in people all around me. I see the beauty when all they feel is the hurt, the heartache, the failures. But when it comes to myself I tend to feel, maybe not worthless, but worth so much less. I know that this is not how Jesus sees me. I know that those accusations, those lies, do not come from Jesus. And yet, the track is on repeat. Let me be the one to confirm for you – believing in Jesus does not automatically undo years of damaging thoughts and behaviors. I am a child learning to walk again. I need to retrain my brain to sing of God’s promises, His goodness, the hope I have in Christ. Without minute by minute mindfulness exercises and gospel truth training my thoughts turn on me, and I become one of the 80%.
So, on to the second thing I love about worship: worship is not only praising our Lord, it is training in speaking gospel truths. In those moments where I feel it in my body and in my soul, as my voice wells up and my spirit cries out “Abba, Father!” with reckless abandon, I practice singing what I know in my head to be true, and I believe with my heart the words I profess. I am enveloped by goodness and grace, and I am loved, here and now. Not just tomorrow when I get my crap together, not just when I’ve done what is good and right, but here and now as I lay face down in my failure, my wrongdoings, my sin. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within [me], will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” Philippians 1:6.
I’m writing this blog from the hotel balcony in Atlanta, where tonight in worship at our conference we sang “When the lies speak louder than the truth, remind me that I belong to You”. And, oh, He does, and oh, how He loves us, our Good good father. Grace and peace to you, reader, dearly loved child of God.
Written by: Sara Murphy